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Category: Olivia Sudjic

Yeah!’ I said again, widening my eyes and nodding slowly but emphatically to show that she had seen into my own symmetrical soul.

olivia-sudjic, soulmates, sympathy

She was limp and pathetic and woozy and I loved her, I realised, even more because I knew how completely it was doomed.

doomed, doomed-love, ill-fated-love, love, olivia-sudjic, starcrossed-lovers, sympathy, unrequited-love

The glow of the steetlamps sat heavy and thick above me. As I walked aimlessly, in the direction of downtown, I returned to my theories. That Mizuko and I shared the pictorial equivalent of DNA. That a sympathetic magic existed between us, no matter how far apart we were pulled. That we defied physical laws of time and space, waves, gravity, the rules laid down by physicists which governed our physical universe (earthquakes, tsunamis) and physical bodies. And yet somehow our connection had led to the opposite of intimacy. My search had led to its opposite. I had never felt so isolated and disconnected, even from myself.

connection, disconnected, intimacy, isolated, not-enough, olivia-sudjic, soulmates, sympathetic-magic, sympathy

Was this what the city would look like when knowledge was no longer enough? When the desire to turn inward, surrendering entirely to one’s own private world of nonresistance, overwhelmed, like creeping ivy, our desire to know worlds beyond it?

inner-life, introspection, inward, new-york-city, olivia-sudjic, sympathy

Man with goatee. Man who looked like a Beatle. All the Beatles at once. Woman wearing newspaper hat. I’d grown used to how weird New Yorkers were, and I could fit them into types.

humor, new-york-city, new-yorkers, observation, olivia-sudjic, people-watching, sympathy, the-beatles

For a while this seemed to do the trick, and I felt that whatever contamination I had helped to spread, the boundaries I had helped to break, sprinkling flakes of myself all over the surface of New York like so much fish food, had been forgiven.

damage, forgiven, new-york-city, olivia-sudjic, simile, sympathy

I began to cry but maintained my shouting through it, like a wind through sheets of rain.

crying, olivia-sudjic, shouting, simile, storm, sympathy, upset

I couldn’t decide what kind of person she was, whether she was one of those insects that look exactly like wasps but aren’t . . . I just wanted to know if she would sting.

metaphor, olivia-sudjic, sympathy

In the last week I felt her withdrawing. What was once everywhere, an ocean I imagined myself to be drowning in, was now barely deep enough to bathe in. I saw her warmth draining away and I couldn’t stop it.

metaphor, olivia-sudjic, sympathy, withdrawing

I saw a doctor. I went in case there were any remnants of the summer inside me—sticky, slender fish bones that needed to be scraped into the bin. He was dismissive of my concerns and said my body would have let me know by now. Did I have what was known as female intuition? I said I’d had my feminine intuition somewhat scrambled in the past.

doctors, feminine-intuition, metaphor, olivia-sudjic, sympathy, women-s-health

No order, no pattern, just chaos. Lots of little universes separated by invisible screens . . .

chaos, multiple-universes, multiverse, olivia-sudjic, sympathy, universes