Amy Lane

Hammer does not think he will make it through this next winter. His breath comes short in his chest, and it takes much effort for him to get up and dressed. My body is still creaky and sound, but with every labor of his breath, I think that my heart will not endure. Enduring were Hammer’s gift, not mine, and I will not endure a life in which he does not laugh by my side and touch my hand, wish for the best things for me, and rejoice when I have them. My sturdy, blessed, stoic Hammer—how can life be, without him?

Hammer does not think he will make it through this next winter. His breath comes short in his chest, and it takes much effort for him to get up and dressed. My body is still creaky and sound, but with every labor of his breath, I think that my heart will not endure. Enduring were Hammer’s gift, not mine, and I will not endure a life in which he does not laugh by my side and touch my hand, wish for the best things for me, and rejoice when I have them. My sturdy, blessed, stoic Hammer—how can life be, without him?

– Amy Lane –

Hammer & Air

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Amy Lane

He’s MINE”, I howled. “Mine! And I’m his! You knew this when you slunk into our bed. I told you at the beginning, and I thought you understood, well, you understand now, don’t you?”He had the nerve to extend a placating hand to me, and I wished so violently for a weapon, I were not surprised to hear the clatter of a knife falling out of the cupboard.I turned my head to the side and spat instead. “I told you ‘no’, dammit. I told you I’d follow him to the ends of the fucking earth, and I will, and you thought that if you took him, you’d take the way I felt. Well, you can’t! Hammer and me – we’re twined together, like rose bushes or wrought iron, and you can’t untangle us, and if you did, you’d have to break us! Don’t you see what you’ve done? You tried to break Hammer! He’s mine! My whole life, the only thing I ever wanted were him, and you tried to break him! And why? So you could have me? You don’t care for me!

Amy Lane

I know these are only dreams. I know these days are long past. I wake to a dream in which Hammer’s breath has stopped, and mine with it, and hearts have gone to a quiet sunny meadow with the sweetest little cottage in the middle, with a millwheel and a stream. Our bodies will lie tangled until they become earth, like roses twining so closely there is no beginning and no end, and only the shades of beauty that were their growing.Every dream I ever had as a child has come true, simply because Hammer loved me. Perhaps this one will too.

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