The largest website for English phrases and quotes

The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Category: Jeff Foxworthy

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Life, Time, Road

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it’s God first, friends and family second and you third, we won’t ever have an argument.

Home, Friends, God

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’

World, Start, Know

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.

Discovery, Know, Watches

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Life, Nothing, You

We’re all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we’ve got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, ‘Hey, we’re all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.’ We need to have a sense of humor about it; that’s kind of the way I’ve always faced my comedy.

God, Grace, Comedy

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

cars, drinking, humor, life

The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

cars, drinking, humor, life