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The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Category: Jen Lancaster

I’ve always been able to cook Italian food. That’s in my blood because I’m half Sicilian.

Blood, Italian Food, Italian

When it comes to matters of pro sports, politics or palate, disparate sides claim their party, team and cola to be superior.

Team, Politics, Party

Remember when Japan was cool? We used to run around with ‘Mr. Roboto’ on our Walkmans, ‘The Karate Kid’ in our Betamaxes and wore T-shirts embossed with the characters for ‘storm sewer’ and ‘dishwasher.’

Storm, Remember, Run

I’m a humor writer, so I don’t always present myself in the best light.

Light, Best, Myself

Humor’s an excellent way to make a point more palatable and/or relatable.

Way, Point, Excellent

Amen,’ I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I’ll have forgotten about it and will finally have said heart attack when I assume a rat shat in there.

When she gets rattled, the South really comes out. Once when Daddy tried to cancel our country club membership because he said the dues were too high, she went from zero to Atlanta burning in zero point five seconds.

culture, humor, south

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finaly weed out al the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.

bitter, employement, funny, jobless, joblessness, need, recession, stupid, stupidity, unemployed

Maybe I’ve moved to the dark side, but it’s clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

I don’t care how happily married you are or how deeply enmeshed you are with your children and family and career — every woman needs a couple of chicks who’ll break out the sangria just because you need to vent.

friends, friendship, girl-life, life, relationships, women

I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the ‘pretty face’ bit. ‘Cause I won’t mind being reminded I’m fat as long as you water it down first. Why not say, Hey I’m going to insult you, but first I will congratulate your fortunate genetics and appropriate appliclation of Bobbi Brown cosmetics to prevent you from hitting me. Sh*t; I kind of prefer being called a ‘fat bitch.’ At least it doesn’t pull any punches.