The largest website for English phrases and quotes

The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Category: Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Doctor, Surgery, Office

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

Dog, Feet, Long

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Weird, Think, Dogs

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?

Fire, Ugly, Better

Stand-up is my favorite thing I’ve ever done. There’s so much independence.

Favorite, Done, Ever

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.

Love, Relationship, Great

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Children, Friends, Good

Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.

Husband, Never, Fallen

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

Personality, Better

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.