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The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Category: Ron White

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.

Comedians, Guy, Guess

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.

School, Smart, Disability

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I’m aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it’s addicting, really.

Work, Work Hard, Me

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.

Trying, Death Penalty, Lane

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it’s being true to their nature… that’s what takes a long time to learn.

Success, Time, Long

If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.

Money, Live, You

I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.

Universe, Me, Ask

I don’t like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that’s the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don’t do a ton of it.

Me, People, Know

Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort.

Work, Effort, Vegas

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.

Positive, Relationship

There’s no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn’t been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you’ll look cool, I don’t get that. But I don’t watch standup anyway, so I don’t know what they’re doing.

Start, Leaving, Know