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The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Category: Yahtzee Croshaw

Yahtzee Croshaw

I realized that the job of a hero is not to save the galaxy, or rescue princesses, or slay all the dragons. That may be part of it, but in the end, a hero only has one job, and that’s to make himself unnecessary.

inspirational, science-fiction

Yahtzee Croshaw

Originally it had had two settings: Stun and Kill. These had proved inadequate against the ridiculously well-armored skin of monsters from particularly rough planets, so I’d found a way to tinker with the built-in limitations. The dial now had a third setting, labeled with the handwritten words ‘Solve All Immediate Problems.

humor, science-fiction

Yahtzee Croshaw

Maybe she’s preemptively getting her karmic backlash for that, but there’s something icky about all this. Yes, the “hello, boys” chest like two friendly chinchillas, Bigfoot ball stomper Lara Croft was oversexualized, but this is still sexualization from the opposite, somehow even creepier side of the coin. At least that Tyrannosaurus in the first game never tried to feel her up.

sexism, zero-punctuation

Yahtzee Croshaw

Oh, traccy traccy ply ply bracket doints and divs

Yahtzee Croshaw

Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.

criticism, fans, funny-but-true, opinions

Yahtzee Croshaw

This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could think of was a fortune teller I’d spoken to a few years ago, and how full of shit she’d turned out to be.

black-humor, death, dying, hindsight, humour

Yahtzee Croshaw

It could have been a thief or a murderer. I considered crying out. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if I didn’t too. That was his whole thing.

humor, murder, thief, yahtzee, zero-punctuation

Yahtzee Croshaw

I could think of no better place to secretly murder someone than inside a fridge. Well, actually there were probably several better ones, but none came to mind at the time.

black-humor, hindsight, murder

Yahtzee Croshaw

The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.

apocalypse, black-humor, comedy, death

Yahtzee Croshaw

State your HURRAAARRGLAB,” went the monarch.“Mr. Wonderful,” said the advisor, daintily wiping the king’s mouth with a hanky. “What do we keep telling you about your interrogation methods? The information’s never reliable and it really hurts our image.”“It’s all right,” I sighed. “This is my actual face.

humour, mogworld

Yahtzee Croshaw

Drelmere and sons, fine outfitters for the discerning magician!” he was shouting, his voice barely carrying over the hubbub. “Robes! Pointy hats! Beard grooming supplies! Yes, you sir, how can OH GOD HURRAAARRGLAB.”I waited patiently for him to finish decorating the pavement with his stomach contents. “Sorry,” he said, bent double and gulping. Impressively, he immediately continued his sales pitch from that position. “Looking for a new robe?”“Yes, this one’s starting to whiff a bit.”“Yes, I . . . gathered that, sir.” He took a few deep, groaning breaths into a star-patterned hanky and seemed to gather himself.“What sort of price range were you OH GOD YOUR EYES HURRAAARRGLAB.”I tapped my now bile-sodden foot. “Shall I come back later?

humour, mogworld

Yahtzee Croshaw

So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.

america, americans, funny, superheroes