Kelley York

The ledge isn’t even wide enough for my feet to fit on completely. I hang onto the rail tightly and do a Casper does…leaning out slowly over the water. Like this, there is no safety. No rail to catch me if I slip. I’m almost flying. Between me and death, there is…nothing. Nothing in the way but my own decision to hang on.

The ledge isn’t even wide enough for my feet to fit on completely. I hang onto the rail tightly and do a Casper does…leaning out slowly over the water. Like this, there is no safety. No rail to catch me if I slip. I’m almost flying. Between me and death, there is…nothing. Nothing in the way but my own decision to hang on.

– Kelley York –

Suicide Watch

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David Foster Wallace

The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

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