The largest website for English phrases and quotes

The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Tag: death, humor

Who embalms the Undertaker when he dies?

Nobody seems to understand that in such matters the tact and sympathy should come from the one who is about to die, not the poor bugger who has to take the news.

Man. Being mostly dead is hard on a guy.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

I say the same thing about the death of James Wait. “Oh, well — he wasn’t going to write the Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony anyway.

Katharine Hepburn

Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

Someone dying asks if there is life after death. Yes, comes the answer, only not yours.

Alexander Gordon Smith

Knackered inmates are easier to control than pumped-up ones. And dead inmates are even easier to control, if you follow me.

Terry Pratchett

Anyway, lots of warrior tribes think that when they die, they go to a heavenly land somewhere,” said the toad. “You know, where they can drink and fight and feast forever? So maybe this is theirs.””But this is a real place!””So? That’s what they believe. Besides, they’re only small. Maybe the universe is a bit crowded and they have to put heavens anywhere there’s room? I’m a toad, so you’ll appreciate that I’m having to guess a lot here.

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Jill Conner Browne

My sister, Judy, has always said that she would like to lie in state, propped up in her coffin with her eyes blared wide open, face fixed in a big grin, and have a taped greeting for all her mourners. Something real upbeat and, well, live-sounding, like: ‘He-e-e-ey!Cuteshoestellyomamahi!

That’s how I want to go. Taking my own way out and totally pissing everybody off at the end.

Well, I always did want to go out in a Braveheart kind of way. I’ll just have to think of something cool to yell before they cut my head off.