The largest website for English phrases and quotes

The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Tag: humor, religion

Back home, my favorite part of Mass was during communion, when I’d stand at the rail and hold a little gold platter under people’s chins. The pretty girls would line up for communion (I confess to Almighty God). They’d kneel (and to you my brothers and sisters), cast their eyes demurely down (I have sinned through my own fault), and stick out their tongues (in my thoughts and in my words). Their tongues would shine, reflected in the gold platter, and since the wafer was dry, the girls would maybe lick their lips (and I ask Blessed Mary ever virgin, all the angels and saints, and you my brothers and sisters) before they swallowed (to pray for me to the Lord our God). It was all I could do not to pass out.

humor, religion

Orson Scott Card

You were the one who threatened us with an Inquisitor,” the Bishop reminded him. With a smile.The Speaker’s smile was just as chilly. “And you’re the one who told the people I was Satan and they shouldn’t talk to me.

humor, religion

Orson Scott Card

You were baptized?””My sister told me that yes, Father baptized me shortly after birth. My mother was a Protestant of a faith that deplored infant baptism, so they had a quarrel about it.” The Bishop held out his hand to lift the Speaker to his feet. The Speaker chuckled. “Imagine. A closet Catholic and a lapsed Mormon, quarreling over religious procedures that they both claimed not to believe in.

humor, religion

I shouldn’t be surprised. Catholicism is the ultimate loophole religion (sin, confess, repeat), so it makes sense that a priest would know better than anyone how to work the angles. Still, when you go to confession and say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” you don’t expect him to say, “So, who hasn’t?

humor, religion

That was rather interesting,’ Mercer said as he filled his coffee mug and passed the thermal carafe to John. ‘What do you say for dinner? “Blessed be the serial killers, or else the devil would have no one to torment.

humor, religion

Imagination is evidence of the divine, and the divine is the imagination of evidence.

humor, religion

A. Whitney Brown

I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.

humor, religion

Heresy is another word for freedom of thought.

humor, religion

Orson Scott Card

When you have faith in something a lot of other people believe then you a member of the church” said Ceas, “When you have faith in something nobody believes, then you a complete wacko

humor, religion

Terry Pratchett

Belief sloshes around in the firmament like lumps of clay spiralling into a potter’s wheel. That’s how gods get created, for example. They clearly must be created by their own believers, because a brief resume of the lives of most gods suggests that their origins certainly couldn’t be divine. They tend to do exactly the things people would do if only they could, especially when it comes to nymphs, golden showers, and the smiting of your enemies.

humor, religion

Terry Pratchett

Ankh-Morpork is a godless city–”I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?’ said Maladict. city’, he recovered.

humor, religion

Well, what I don’t understand is why people get all dressed up and drive to church so they can sit there and get scolded. Seems to me it’d be a whole lot easier for the to just stay home in their pj’s, eat pancakes, and get yelled at over the radion.

humor, religion