Terri Fields

I could always accept not being the prettiest or the smartestBecause I had the best of friends.A and A they called us.But, Anna, somehow, I failed you. And now I’ve lost the best part ofMe.

I could always accept not being the prettiest or the smartestBecause I had the best of friends.A and A they called us.But, Anna, somehow, I failed you. And now I’ve lost the best part ofMe.

– Terri Fields –

After the Death of Anna Gonzales

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Cees Nooteboom

I could have forced myself to adapt,” said Taads. “In this world the individual self is of such importance that it is allowed to become absorbed in itself and to grub around in its trivial personal history for years on end with the help of a psychiatrist, so as to be able to cope. But I don’t think that is important enough. And then suicide is no longer a disgrace. If I had done it earlier, I would have done it in hatred, but that is no longer the case.””Hatred?””I used to hate the world. People, smells, dogs, feet, telephones, newspapers, voices — everything filled me with the greatest disgust. I have always been afraid I might murder somebody. Suicide is when you have been all around the world with your fear and your aggression and you end up by yourself again.””It remains aggression.””Not necessarily.””What are you waiting for then?””For the right moment. The time has not yet come.” He said it amiably, as if he were talking to a child.

T DogMan

You can think about killing yourself a thousand times a day and each time it gets just a little bit more real. But the day you wake up and know beyond the shadow of a doubt you are going to go through with the it, that is the worst and best day of your life. When you accept it you will find it amazing that everything you were thinking about suicide before was wrong. Suddenly you realize suicide is easy and desirable and that brings relief. No one wants to die. The act of dying is horrific but the reward is being dead and that sounds glorious to me.

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