The largest website for English phrases and quotes

The largest website for English phrases and quotes

Category: Justin Halpern

I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.

Love, Win, Relationships

Who’s going to take care of it? You?. . . Son, you came in the house yesterday with sht on your hands. Humansht. I don’t know how that happened, but if someone has shit on their hands, it’s an indicator that maybe the whole responsibility thing isn’t for them. -Dad

humorous, inspirational

Advice is bullshit. It’s just one asshole’s opinion.

You worry too much. Eat some bacon…what? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won’t be the last time that happens.

betrayal, penis

I can’t help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn’t give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it’s a goddamned party.

humorous, quotes

You stand in front of an electric fence and whip your dick out to take a piss on it, it’s pretty clear you’re about to make a mistake. Other than that, you pretty much have no way of knowing.

humor, mistakes

That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.

attractiveness, women

… human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever’s freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.

humor, inspiration

See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I’m thinking; How can I give less of shit? That’s why I look interested.

Why would you throw a ball in someone’s face?…Huh. That’s a pretty good reason. Well, I can’t do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

You’re like a tornado of bullshit right now. We’ll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else’s house.